The Boat

6/20/2021 - Fathers Day

(sigh)

I was just praying in the shower, Dad.

For the first time in years I was trying to ignore today, and wasn’t quite sure why.

Mom asked for me to post this pic and I brushed it off. That wasn’t me. What the eff? I thought time heals all wounds and growth was supposed to make this sh*t easier…

Then it hit me that I’ve been a bit off balance all year. Stuffing snuck up on me. Because in order to truly grow or elevate, you gotta keep going deeper down below… it’s the difficult paradox or ying & yang of life. Can’t have one without doing the other.

So while I’ve been back home, I got caught up in thinking I’m just the “lighthouse” shining my light for family & friends… the butterfly who came out of his cocoon in South Florida and flew home, who meditates, practices gratitude, mindfulness, the agreements, which is great - but it was really just maintenance… because too often, I forget that I’m also the boat at sea… I am one of the same at all times - the lighthouse shining it’s light, and the boat seeking the light… shining & seeking.

The reality is, I have been hurting. I feel lost, abandoned and that I’m not good enough at times, grasping for acceptance, or to be liked… and that’s ok. Because the more aware I am of it, and deeper I go, the more I surface those emotions that have also been abandoned. Crazy how that works.

I just need to always remember that even in the roughest of waters and darkest of nights, that I am also light… both darkness & light.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for life.

Happy Fathers Day.

#happyfathersday #awareness #darknessandlight #loveandlight #lostatsea #lighthouse #gratitude #forgiveness #iloveyoudad #therecoverymatrix #healingjourney